The dysfunction of any community is generational. Edwin Friedman says, “the problem with parents, after all, is that they had parents.” According to Friedman’s “systems theory,” dysfunction is structured into an emotional triangle involving three persons, groups, or issues. The emotional triangle serves to maintain a sense of fragile stability, or homeostasis.
Often, the most dysfunctional person in the emotional triangle is also the strongest, or most influential. Therefore, the fragile stability of the relationship is not likely to improve. These dysfunctional emotional triangles breed anxiety and fear, and at some point will erupt into chaos. A dysfunctional emotional triangle is ultimately self-destructive. The only way that the emotional system of any community can move from dysfunction to healing is for one member of the emotional triangle to become a “non-anxious presence.” A leader can change the relationship triangle only if the leader belongs to that relationship (presence), but has the emotional maturity (non-anxious) to challenge the dysfunctional triangle. This challenge requires the leader to “tolerate pain, and sometimes even to stimulate pain, thus forcing the other to increase his or her threshold.” However, if the leader becomes an anxious presence, the leader becomes the prime cause of dysfunction (Friedman, Generation to Generation).
There are a multitude of reasons that Ferguson has erupted, and they are generational. Yes, much of it is related to the racist history of our nation (see Ta-Nehisi Coates here). The struggle for civil rights has been long and violent. Other causes are economic disparity, broken families, and a culture that embraces drugs and violence. The sense of oppression among many black Americans is palpable. They believe the “system” is against them. They are correct. But, they must realize that they are a part of the “system,” the dysfunctional emotional triangle that is American society (see Juan Williams here). Anxious people have a low tolerance for pain, and often simply cannot diagnose their own chronic anxiety and generational dysfunction.
The political leaders involved in this emotional triangle have not been a “non-anxious” presence. Instead, federal, state, and local leaders have projected anxiety and fear. The militarization of the local police, the rage of the demonstrators, the arrival of the media and professional agitators from across the country have all contributed to the chaos. Dysfunction ultimately erupts into chaos. Justice is unlikely because everyone involved in this “system” has the freedom to distort the truth. Truth is not the issue. Emotional satisfaction is the prevailing sentiment. Anxiety and fear will prevail. This crisis will pass. The fragile stability of American society will be restored. But nothing will change. We will await the next eruption.
Our dysfunctional national family can continue to embrace leaders that seek to soothe our anxiety, but justice will suffer and our dysfunction will continue for many more generations. But every now and then a leader emerges that challenges the dysfunction, stimulates pain, and provokes change.
That’s what the ancient prophets of Israel did. They heard from God, rebuked the leaders, challenged the people, stimulated pain, and provoked confession, repentance, and reformation. My prayer is that God will send us prophets, and that we will have ears to hear.
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