The Roman Catholic Church has historically championed the sanctity and indissolubility of Christian marriage. Divorced and remarried Catholics are forbidden to receive the Eucharist, which is the heart of Catholic worship. Pope Francis has called the bishops to a Synod on the Family to rethink the Catholic tradition on marriage. The Synod has proved to be quite controversial and messy (see here and here). The Anglican Church has its own difficulties with this issue (here).
The words of Jesus are the primary authority for the Christian theology of marriage.
Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?”
And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?”
He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”
The disciples said to Him, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.” (Matthew 19:4-10).
Jesus offers a very straightforward understanding of Christian marriage.* Marriage is one male and one female for life. When a man and woman pledge their love to each other God has joined them together. The vow signifies the act of joining. Only death breaks this union. Jesus reinterpreted the Torah on marriage and divorce. The Torah allowed divorce because of “hardness of heart.” Sadly, many marriages have failed because one, or both, partners suffered from a hard heart, i.e. their love has grown cold. The only allowance for divorce is sexual immorality. It should be understood that immorality is an allowance for divorce, not a command to divorce. Forgiveness and reconciliation are preferred. Except in cases of sexual immorality, remarriage after divorce is to live in a state of adultery, because it defies God’s original intent. This is the most difficult issue in Jesus’ teaching on marriage.
Jesus’ statement is so challenging that even his disciples struggled with these words. Little has changed through the centuries. Christians still struggle with the words of Jesus. In his commentary on Matthew, R. T. France has written that this teaching was “no less radical in the Jewish world of Jesus’ day, where divorce was …easier in practice… Jesus is laying down a challenge to accepted norms, and demanding a rethinking of marriage” (France, The Gospel of Matthew, NICNT, 721). Jesus is intent on healing the institution of marriage.
After more than thirty years of pastoral ministry I have learned a few things about this issue. First, for a marriage to flourish the partners must be committed to loving each other more than they love themselves. Marriage requires of life self giving and self denial.
Second, some people are so selfish and hard-hearted they should never be married. Woe to the poor soul who gets entangled with such a person.
Third, some people get trapped into very bad marriages. Because of the hard hearts of some persons, marriage can become a prison of abuse. As a rule, I counsel against divorce. But, there have been times that I suggested a period of separation in order to confront the dysfunction and abuse. My heart breaks for those who have suffered the trauma of a dysfunctional marriage.
Fourth, when it comes to personal pain and happiness the authority of Jesus’ words mean very little for many Christians. Most people are not concerned with a “theology of marriage,” but with the fairy tale of “happily forever after.”
In fact, our practice demonstrates our theology. The ancient Christian principle of lex orandi, lex credendi suggests that Christian practice demonstrates Christian belief. In the ancient Church, this principle guided the Church in establishing the worship and confession of believers. In the post-modern church it may be more suited to defining heretical and apostate tendencies within the church, or revisioning the theological traditions of the church. If we canonize the practice of divorce and remarriage, then we forfeit a theology of marriage based on the healing words of Jesus in favor of a theology that is formed by human brokenness.
As we seek to understand the words of Jesus, we must also follow his examples of forgiveness and mercy. Divorced persons know all too well the pain of a broken marriage. The church must simultaneously promote a theology of marriage that is faithful to the words of Jesus and provide counsel and care to those who have suffered from dysfunctional marriages that ended in divorce.
If we are to be true to the teaching of Jesus, we must uphold his words about marriage in spite of the hard-heartedness of humanity, in spite of our personal experiences and pain, in spite of the prevailing culture which values the freedom of sexual expression. Right now, one thing is certain – a Christian understanding of marriage is anything but clear. It’s a mess.
*I am aware of Paul’s teaching on marriage in 1 Corinthians 7:15: “Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.” If the words of Jesus have priority over Paul (which is the traditional hermeneutic) we should at the very least understand that although there may be some allowances for divorce and remarriage, it “can have no higher ethical status than as the lesser evil” (France, Matthew, 721).
See the Assemblies of God position paper: Divorce and Remarriage for a more detailed discussion.
