It’s been two years since we left the pastorate to assume our new role at Pentecostal Theological Seminary. I was unprepared for the emotional stress that accompanied the transition. There were many issues with which I struggled. The greatest struggle may surprise you.
The greatest struggle we had was finding a new home church. For the first time in our adult lives we were not under appointment to a local church. For several months we enjoyed visiting various churches. Almost all the churches we visited were very friendly. We knew we had to settle down somewhere. So we began to pray and try to make connections. This is where I learned a lesson I wish I ‘d learned years before.
It’s hard for new people to make connections in a local church.
I don’t fault any church for this. As I said, most every church we visited was very friendly, sometimes even exuberantly friendly. The issue was not with a greeting team or usher. The issue was with me. Even as we made efforts to get to know the church, I still felt disconnected. I was new and unfamiliar in my new congregation.
As I began to reflect on this, I suddenly began to understand something that had eluded me after years of pastoring. Many times new people would come to church. We reached out, tried to connect with them, and make them feel at home. But time after time, after a few months they would stop coming and moved on to another church. When I would contact them I always got the same response: “Pastor, we love you, and the church. But it just didn’t feel right.”
I never understood that until I found myself trying to connect to a new congregation in a non-pastoral role. Sharon and I were greeted with smiling faces, received various gifts as first-time guests, and received follow-up calls from pastors. The problem was not them, it was us – the way we felt. I don’t know how to explain it, and I certainly don’t have a remedy. But now I understand how guests feel.
In two years, we’ve rarely missed a Sunday worship service. We are committed to the local church. We desire to be excellent members, supportive of church’s mission, a faithful tither, and a pastor’s partner. My point is this – if it’s hard for those who have a passion to belong, it must be much more difficult for the new family seeking a church home.
Maybe that’s it! Being at home, being comfortable in one’s socks, comfortable at the table of fellowship. That’s not something that a new greeter ministry can do. That’s not something that happen’s overnight. I wish I’d learned this long ago when I was a pastor. I wish I had been more patient with, more aware of, the emotional needs of guests.
