As a young man I had three goals in life: to be good husband, to be a good father, and to be a good pastor. Only my wife can judge the first goal. Only God can judge the last. Only my two sons can judge me as a father. The churches we served have no idea of how serving as pastor can stress a marriage and harm children. Planning a vacation? Then someone dies, the pastor is called to preside at the funeral and the family vacation is canceled. Planning a family picnic? Someone invites you to their family reunion and your family time suffers. I’ve often had to remind well-meaning church members that I have a life outside of the church. For the conscientious pastor it takes great wisdom and patience to carefully negotiate the pitfalls. I’m sure I failed from time to time. But one episode in particular demonstrates the tension that exists when one desires to be a good father and a good pastor.
In 1995 I was serving as pastor in Moultrie, Georgia. Our two sons were ten and six years old. For a few weeks we had seen the TV ads for a new animated movie – Toy Story. Every time the ads would run my boys would get excited and ask, “Dad, can we see that?” I assured them that we would go see the movie on opening night.
The few days before that Friday night were filled with anticipation. We promised the boys that we would go to their favorite restaurant – McDonalds – and then to see Toy Story. Each day when they got home from school they reminded me: “Dad, remember, you promised to take us to see the movie this Friday night!”
The day arrived. When the boys got home from school they were bouncing off the walls in anticipation. As the afternoon passed we got ready for a family evening. As we were walking out the door the phone rang (this was before cell phones). There is nothing a pastor’s family hates more than the telephone. A ringing phone often interrupts the life of a pastor’s family. My wife encouraged me to ignore the ringing phone, but I was a dutiful pastor. I answered the phone. It was a member of our church telling me that he was in the ER with his daughter who was suffering from an asthma attack. As he was telling me that his daughter couldn’t breathe, I turned to see my two sons looking and listening intently, anticipating disappointment. After all, they had been there before. I could see the sadness in their eyes.
I immediately made a decision. I explained to my dear member that I could not visit them at the hospital that evening. I prayed a short prayer over the phone and told him I would check on them later the next day. I then hung up the phone receiver, turned to our boys and exclaimed, “Let’s go!” The joy in their little faces filled my heart. I have never regretted that decision. (The teen girl was treated in the ER and was sent home the same evening).
I can hear my critics. “You should have gone straight to the hospital.” “You could have taken the boys later.” And, of course, “You shouldn’t be going to the movies anyway!”
As I reflect upon my life I have determined that my greatest blessings have been our two sons. As with raising any child, there were times of tears and anxiety. But the joy they have brought to us and the men they have become fills me with pleasure. I am grateful that as a young husband, father, and pastor, God granted me the wisdom to understand that if I failed as husband and father I could never be a good pastor. Being a good pastor means rightly managing one’s own home (1 Timothy 3:5). That means love before discipline, grace at all times, and sometimes taking your kids to see a movie.
