My observations of contemporary parenting are well known among those I serve as pastor. It seems that most parents are taking the path of least resistance in rearing children. When I hear a parent, say “I just can’t control my child” I think (sometimes out loud) “What a wimp!” The issue is not control, it is engagement and discipline. By the standards of contemporary parenting, I was reared “old school.” My mom and dad certainly didn’t have any trouble “controlling” me and my two brothers. With a snap of dad’s finger we came to attention.
Thinking back on my childhood there are four major lessons that my mother, Sandra, taught me. These lessons are from my earliest memories. They are lessons that formed me as an adult, and lessons that Sharon and I sought to teach to our sons as well.
Responsibility. From the time I learned to walk, I remember mom encouraging us to take responsibility for ourselves. She often told us, “You must learn to take care of yourself.” We were responsible to put our toys away after playing, to put our dirty clothes in the hamper, to clean our rooms and make our beds. Mom was always there to help, but she insisted that we do it to the best of our ability. I learned to cook when I was about six years old because mom stood me in a chair over the stove and taught me how to cook a pot of chili. After family meals mom and dad would leave the table to watch television, leaving us boys to clear the table and wash the dishes. Mom reared three boys who became men who knew how to take care of themselves and contribute to the care of their own families.
Teamwork. Often as kids we protested having to wash the dishes, clean our rooms, or rake the yards. Mom would reply, “Big jobs become small when shared by all.” She was teaching us that work could not be avoided, but if my brothers and I worked together we could finish the chore quicker. In teaching us teamwork, she was also teaching us how to share our lives with each other. She simply would not allow her sons to be self-centered.
Manners. My mom and dad demanded that we behave, especially in public. When we had company in our home, or when were to going out Mom would remind us, “Children should be seen and not heard.” In other words, take your seat and be quiet. Yes, we understood that misbehavior had painful consequences (not “time out” or vain threats). Also, we were taught never to raise our voices, never to interrupt adults in conversation, and to address our elders as “Sir” or “Ma’am.” Rude behavior was dealt with swiftly.
Family matters. Special days and holidays were always wonderful events because Mom insisted that family mattered. I have many memories of Mom sitting in the floor with us as we played with new toys we received as Christmas gifts. Our home was often the place where extended family members were guests. One of the most devastating events of my childhood was the divorce of my parents. But my brothers and I never knew our parents were in conflict. Even after the divorce Mom never spoke ill of our father (nor did he ever speak ill of her).
My parents were not harsh or abusive. They were committed to rearing gentlemen. Thanks, Mom.
